Two Years

Not to be a downer at Christmastime, but I would really like to write down the feelings I've been having this past month. Here goes. Two years ago today was the worst day of my life--the day my beautiful Mom passed away. She was so young, only 55, and it was such a shock that rocked my entire family's cores. I have been thinking about my Mom's death so much this month (real fun at Christmastime, huh?) and just felt like writing down some of my feelings. I honestly cannot believe that another year has past. It feels like we were just living that awful week of planning & carrying out her funeral and yet it seems like forever since I have seen or talked to her. What an odd thing it is. The part that aches the most is to know that my boys don't know her. Tye (now 7) has small glimpses of memories of my Mom, but Spencer (now 5) doesn't remember her at all. That really, really hurts. After putting up our Christmas tree a couple of weeks ago, I was really missing her, so I took Spencer with me one afternoon and we went to "visit" my Mom at the cemetery. I always talk to her at her grave; which is painful and comforting at the same time. Anyways, while we were there, I asked Spencer if there was anything he wanted to say to Grandy. He said "hi" and then walked to a nearby tree to explore. After about 5 minutes he said, "Mom, I haven't heard Grandy say 'hi' back to me yet." Oops! I then needed to reteach the whole death thing so that I wasn't teaching my son blasphemy about talking to the dead. Ooooh. I just miss her.

Those of you who didn't know her really missed out on an amazing woman. She was just the best! So loving, so caring, so thoughtful, so talented, and so so so much fun! It's amazing to think about all that has happened in my little family's lives over the past two years and to realize that she has missed it all. I know that she is watching over me but it is not the same. I do not want to sound ungrateful, though. I am so thankful for my Savior and my Heavenly Father. So thankful for the comfort I have received during this time. It's just a hard day (week, month, year :D ). I am so so so so so thankful we took a Girls' Trip two weeks before she died! My Mom, sisters, my Dad (not a girl but always invited!) and I went to Utah to visit my Mom's parents and had the most fun! We stayed up late visiting, laughing, and just being together. That trip was a Tender Mercy from the Lord and I know I could not have survived her death if I had not just had such a time of love with her. I know it's a weird thing to say but it is so true and I believe the Lord knew it and gave that to me. I am eternally indebted to Eric for his love and support. I could not be surviving this without him. I am the luckiest woman to have such an adoring and caring husband at my side. I love you, babe. I have always felt close to my siblings, but these past couple years have just welded us together and I love them each so much. Aside from Eric, they are my biggest support and I am so blessed to have them. I hope I help you guys, too. I also want to thank the rest of my great friends and family members that have loved me and helped me thru these two years. Sorry if my whining was/is a pain at times, but thank you for letting me sometimes vent about not having my Mom here. And finally, I love my Dad. I am so thankful for his love of my Mom and the way they both lived their lives as examples of righteousness and dedication. I could not ask for better parents. I am also so happy that my Dad has found Carol. She is a great step-mom and very understanding & supportive about my Mom--it means a lot. Thanks, Carol. I know that I have been so blessed in my life and I look forward to the day when I will see my Mom again and know that my family will be together forever.

*Okay, sorry about the following picture overload, but there are so many cute pics of my Mom and I just wanted to keep putting up more and more! She was a doll!

My Mom with her sisters on her Wedding Day, October 1972.

Roger and Sherrie Decker Family, June 1981.

Me home visiting from BYU, Fall of 1994. Decker Family, December 1994.

My cute Dad and Mom, December 1995.

With their 1st Grandson, my Tye, November 2001. My Mom was wonderful to stay with us for 2 1/2 weeks to help me recover from my C-section and learn how to be a new mom. The whole time she kept saying about Tye, "this boy is as good as gold." Cute, cute Mom.

My favorite Christmas picture of my Mom and her Santa, December 2001.

Decker Family, November 2005.

The last time I was with my Mom: Our Girls' Trip to Utah, 2 weeks before she died, December 2006.

My sister Shanon, blogged about this yesterday and I had to put it on my blog, too, because I love this! My freshman year of college I had a crush on a guy and told my Mom that I thought he was a "Babe-O-Rama." The next day, she made this card and hung it up on our kitchen cupboards where we all could see it. It hung there for 12+ years! My Mom adored my Dad, and yes, he is a Babe-O-Rama! The sign reads: "This is a Babe-O-Rama! You girls would be so lucky to marry a guy like this! You boys would be so lucky to be a man like this! Love Mom!"

These are some pictures from my Mom's funeral. It still seems hard to believe it was real. I do know that am blessed to have such a wonderful family! I love you Dad, Adam, Summer, Shanon, and Jono. (I know these aren't the greatest quality--I scanned them from a photo book.)

The Decker Originals

With our Spouses: I have the BEST in-laws! My siblings and I all lucked out in who we married! I love you Monique, Cory, and Jared! And, Jono, she is out there somewhere! (I know, I know...he's gonna kill me! :D )

The Roger & Sherrie Decker Family 2006

This is my favorite photos of the day. Without prompting, my five-year-old Tye walked over and kissed me Mom's casket. It was really touching.